Yet another day…

As I sit here at my desk this morning, barely 6am, I find myself lost in thought.  I slept very little again last night, which is not unusual for me here so I imagine a nana nap will recharge me some by early afternoon.  If I remember right the last time I had more than 3 or 4 hours sleep at a time was when my youngest son was home for a visit some months ago now, and was tucked in his bed safe and sound.  A mother’s trait I guess always worrying about her kids, but he makes me feel safe too just knowing when he’s here.  I sip on my cup of tea, light a smoke and look around me.  The only sounds I hear surprisingly are birds chirping and singing outside my window.  Whilst their melody is pleasant enough it doesn’t detract from the fact that I am still here, still in this house, still in this town, still where I just don’t want to be.

I sigh, yet another day of loneliness and boredom ahead, and whilst there’s things I could or perhaps should be doing such as running the vaccy over the floors etc I find a reason to procrastinate.  Why bother with the floors when it’s far from a priority when I have no one else to notice them anyway or as usual any visitors to make an effort for.   I’ve been stuck living out here for 23 years now and I am so over it.  The love of my life passed almost 17yrs ago now, the kids have all grown up and moved away far from this town and now have kids of their own.  I don’t blame them, I’ve been yearning to move back to the coast for countless years but lack of funds prevents me from being able to rent anywhere else on my own.  I am grateful that I presently have a secure house for reasonable rent, but I simply have zero life here now.  We only moved out here essentially so my parents could embrace a loving relationship with their grandkids and so the kids could have their grandparents in their life too.  Once the kids grew up and moved on I at least had my parents to take care of and I embraced every moment I could with them whilst still craving for that loving relationship with my own grandkids, whom sadly I just never get to see as I just can’t afford the travel and sadly my kids make little to no effort to ever even visit me.  Now that my parents have sadly passed I feel so desperately empty and so trapped out here on my own.  My health has suffered and depression continually grabs a hold of me.  At my age now and with no chances of employment out here I feel so imprisoned and in a rut. I often find myself pondering if this is all I have for a life then I don’t know how long I can keep going, it’s a real struggle with no light in sight for me.

I had always questioned our decision to move out here, I loved living on the coast, however my mind would constantly wrestle with me that it would be selfish of me to deny both my parents and my kids that essential close grandparent relationship, one that I was never fortunate enough to have as a child.  So the sacrifice was made for them both, with sincere love, however still being stuck out here now just continues to eat away at me every minute of the unbearably long lonely days now like rust corroding what’s left of my life. 

This is not what I had envisioned for my life, my dreams of what I wished for were always put aside and sacrifices constantly made to ensure everyone else was always happy.  I’ve always been generous to a fault in any way to take care of others, but now I find myself with nothing left in the tank as such for me and no likelihood of anyone ever being there for me.   Friends of course express to me it’s time I invested in me now, do the things I always wanted to do, but I just don’t know how to do for me what I’m so used to doing for others. 

  

All I really long for is to move back to the coast and start a new life.  I need to get out of here and start living again. The rents where I need to be are too far out of my reach on the pittance that I barely survive on from week to week.  At my age and being on my own the security of a roof over my head is a vital issue.  My dream of owning my own home, my own secure sanctuary is just more and more unlikely the older I get.  My only hope at this point is to have an angel bless me with a win.  I dream of living on the beach, to inhale the fresh ocean breeze and drink in the sunshine.  Any waterfront place would ideal, I love the water and it would sure get me out of here.  I don’t go out, I don’t drink etc, my only vice is my smokes which will be gone soon too so the only thing I ever treat myself to is a few tickets each month in the lotteries in the hope of being blessed to score a win, after all my numbers have just as much chance as anyone else’s right?, only to date I’ve not won a sausage apart from a small win of a gift card once from another charity, but I hold onto hope for a #1, it’s all I have. 

I try to be optimistic looking over the brochures of the homes to win and positively prepare and plan my escape.   I’m so looking forward to a new life that I’ve decided that as soon as I get the phone call that I unquestionably ache for I’ll simply pack a bag of clothes and go.  I’d come back to this place only to pack up things I really want to hold onto such as photos etc and sell everything else, clean up and get out of here for good.  I envision this constantly in my dreams, like a needle stuck on a scratched record that just repeats the same song over and over.  Although I’d not really describe myself to be a spiritual person, even prayer for my sincerest wish is also done faithfully every day in my endeavor to invite or perhaps manifest a win to come.    I check the calendar and find it’s only a couple more sleeps till Christmas now, surely it’s my turn for my wish to be granted, even Santa knows I’ve been a good girl.  Who knows maybe one day I’ll be blogging from my new home and be in a much better frame of mind of real contentment. 

Yep I'm still around...

Well it’s been a while since I’ve dropped in here as my time has been somewhat limited for a lengthy period now, however we’ll see if I can give myself a little more time to indulge in putting pen to paper as such, a work in progress as it were.

The following random pieces are simply a reflection of my reality.  Random memories of events throughout my life, some significant, some not so much, that all in all in some way shape or form have contributed to me just being me.

There are of course countless various things that can trigger any memory of anything or anyone etc.  Anything from a simple photo, a song, a place, to even a certain aroma can bring about a tide of emotions and memories and each has its own story connecting to it.  Here you’ll find me riding these waves of my journey to date and the odd ramble here and there depending what’s on my mind.

Do you ever find yourself suddenly thrown back in time when for example a certain song comes on the radio and before you even realize it you’ll remember where you were when you first heard it, who you were with and how it made you feel at that time etc?  Do you ever find yourself randomly going through old photos when memories, good or bad, suddenly flood your mind?  Reflecting back on these things now you see them more clearly and oft’ either wish things perhaps could’ve been different, or you’d taken more notice or cherished the moments longer.  Hindsight of course is a wonderful thing but inevitably comes too late, so these days I’ve learnt to slow down and take more notice, be more mindful if you like, of everything around me that I can and though I’m still learning it has brought about some change somewhat in a good way I think.  

Never Really Alone.

Well I’ve made it through yet another day without you, and as these days, weeks, months and sadly years pass all too fast without you here, there is never an hour that goes by without you on my mind. I tried, as you know, to complete this for your birthday just a mere two weeks ago but I became overwhelmed in a dark cloud that broke over me… its unrelenting rain, my tears.

You would have turned 45, and it’s so hard to believe that today now marks 13 long years since you made that fateful decision to leave us all. Whilst the last 13 years have been far from easy, an unlucky number for some, I look at it as 13 years of survival without you. Often I recall all those long conversations we had as we were curled up in bed, discussing our hopes and dreams and the future we’d envisaged for our family, taking delight in watching the kids grow and making crazy predictions of how they would turn out, but most especially just growing old together. It just doesn't feel right that I’m growing older without you as you have left such a huge void in my life that I can never fill. I've felt the depths of loneliness without you, yet I always feel you’re around me too, and it’s that comfort that assures me that I'm never really alone.

At first I used to try to convince myself that I was just perhaps going a little crazy, but there’s simply no mistaking your presence, although the evenings are when I miss you the most. Just as you did the first moment we met, you would propose every night, confident that I would say “Yes, one day” as usual and kiss you. You had proposed in so many ways over the years, from the traditional down on one knee, even over the radio, to even screaming it out to the world in many various locations for all to hear. We could never afford the wedding that you wanted for us, but we didn’t really need it, there was no question we belonged together regardless of a piece of paper. Even as I enter the kitchen to make my cuppa tea each night I feel you approach me and wrap me in your arms. I close my eyes and can still feel the warmth of your breath against my neck and my heart just aches and aches. Just knowing you’re around has given me the strength to cope and while the perpetual anguish I feel from losing you still lingers, I will never stop loving you. It’s as if our journey together has merely been interrupted by your death.

Your actions that day still affect us, much more than you would’ve have considered at the time. There is nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice to have you alive and home with us again, where you belong with your family. I know that you would be savoring every moment spent with our kids and now grandchildren, all 6 of them to date. I just cannot express how deeply I miss you Andrew, and you know that my love for you has never wavered. You tore my heart from my chest that day and to this day it aches no less.

Tony is almost 30 now… The time has flown so fast hasn’t it? He is married with 3 gorgeous children now as you know I am sure. He has grown so much and I see so much of you in him by the way he carries himself, his courage, his strength, his confidence and so much more that you instilled in him has held him well and I’m sure you’ve yet to miss any of his footy games and fishing trips etc as usual.

Mandy, wow, she’s 27 now, and has grown into such a stunning young woman, as we had predicted without doubt, and is married with 3 beautiful children too. You are forever in her heart and not a day goes by that she doesn’t think of you as well. I see much of you in her also, by her manner, her confidence, assertiveness and strength too, her devoted and nurturing nature all of which and more she gained from you. She was always daddy’s little girl and I’ve no doubt you’ve not ever missed any of her events either, especially her wedding, I felt you beside me there too.

Michael is 20 now... Can you believe that? He has grown into such a strong and extremely handsome young man, and he is still a clone of you. Just a glance of him will often bring me to tears, by no fault of his, just he looks so much like you I have to remind myself he is Michael. I often catch myself about to call him Andrew, but I’ve learnt to stop myself and call His name, though it’s not easy and I know I’ve slipped up now and then. If he has caught me out, his gentle understanding has stopped him from correcting me. I see so much of you in him. He oozes charisma just like you. His courageous and confident manner, he’s so loving and considerate and he’s always supportive. He has such a compassionate and helpful nature, and much more, all obviously naturally from you. I know you that you watch over him, you always did, even as he slept you would watch him just breathe and be in awe of how amazing he is. I know you’ve been at all of his events too, from all of his footy games to his Year 12 formal and more, I’ve felt you there.

I know you would be so immensely proud of all of them, as am I, including our six beautiful grandchildren. You were constantly bragging about the kids and how proud you were of everything they did, no matter how large or small, and they each have brought us both so much joy. I’m sure that Michael will bless us with more grandchildren too when the time is right, certainly no rush of course as it’s important he finds true happiness with the right girl first.

I know that you will read this with more than a tear in your eye as it’s been very hard for me to write too. There is no easy way to sign off on this letter but to simply tell you that I still pray for the day when a time machine can be created to take me back to that day so that I can stop you and just bring you home.

Until we meet again…

Eternally Yours

Jane... <3

My Princess..

My little Princess..

Yes this is my baby girl Amanda on her wedding day 12th February 2011. - In light of the recent Royal wedding I was reminded how slack I've been in not posting to here the speech I had prepared and delivered to her and her husband Nathan at their wedding, as I had promised I would.

Being so nervous I had intended for my 'Mother of the Bride speech' to be of course heartfelt, but brief. Mayhaps I should've ran through it a couple of times before the big day, but, well at least it was straight from the heart.

After thanking everyone involved in helping to make the day so incredibly special including the gorgeous Bridesmaids Leah, Megs and Fiona, and the Groomsmen Matt, Sonny and Michael I was pleased to see so many warmly celebrating together this occassion. My youngest son Michael came with me to the podium for support, knowing how nervous I was, or mayhaps he was there to ensure I didn't escape, lol. ->

Always dressing up in fancy clothes, wanting her hair this way or that, posing in front of the camera, and singing and dancing till she dropped. Stylishly strutting her way up and down the catwalk, and being the Princess in the family was simply natural for her. Her personality was, well, in one word .. exhausting. She was a huge ball of energy that was impossible to keep up with.

- You could be forgiven for thinking that I was describing little Chelsea, however, the similarities are just crazy. I often have to stop myself calling Chelsea Mandy all the time.

- She was always one extreme or the other growing up. When not playing the princess she was more than happy to muck it out with the boys too. Especially when her Dad would often take Tony fishing, and she, being Daddy's little girl, knew just how to wrap him around her little finger to get invited along too and he never could resist that cute little expectant sparkle in her eyes.

- She loved to slather on the sunscreen and have Dad paste zinc on her little face and nose. Memories of one occassion, of them all perched on the Burleigh Walkway Bridge, Tony aged about 6, Mandy 4, - her cap pulled down, arms crossed and her white zinc lips pouting, after losing the usual argument when she wanted to put the bait on the hook like the boys did and not being allowed to. - Her cheeky brother sniggering at her and calling out to Dad that he had another bite, every few minutes, thinking he'd landed a big one every time. All she wanted to do was catch a bigger fish than him and it was frustrating her terribly. - She did catch a few, however, most not much bigger than her bait.

- She and Tony were always close, even through the normal sibling rivalries, and were brought even closer in many ways when their baby brother Michael arrived. Michael grew fast and soon worked out how to play them both when he wanted to, and it amused him to no end to get them at each others throats when it suited him. Ah kids..

- Always passionate with everything she tried her hand at, from her modelling, (winning too many titles to recount just now), from Miss Tweed Heads, to Spring Garden Princess, Cowboy Queen to Warwick Showgirl. Not to mention the constant fundraising for various charities over the years, she was also a Warwick Youth Ambassador. From her schoolwork to her music, (yes she plays the Sax), and to her various jobs, often working two jobs at a time, she's always been an active, somewhat hectic, yet very responsible young lady, always giving 100%, but with her energy she thrived on it all. - All of these things and much more have helped to shape the strong young woman she's become and one that her Dad without doubt would be so incredibly proud of. Though he sadly isn't with us today, he is certainly right here..<3

- Being such a beautiful young lady she was never short of admirers, though she never really made time for anyone in her busy life, until of course Chelsea came along. The moment that sweet little cherub arrived her life completely changed, as did her priorities. Being a single mum was tough, but she'd grown strong from so many more events in her life; and true to her passionate nature she gave her everything to nurture and provide for her the best that she could. With her familys support she was so content, just the two of them, as if they were taking on the world together and there was just no room for anybody else.

- I always knew it would take a special kind of man to ever see Mandy let down her guard long enough to allow him into their world. There wasn't just her to think of, she was a package deal, for lack of better words, and Chelseas' innocent heart was not to be toyed with either.

- Mandy and I have always been very close, and I could tell in her voice from the very moment she even mentioned Nathans name to me, I knew then and there that he must have that special something. Not that I ever doubted my daughters judgement, but of course being the ever protective Mother and Grandmother, I was eager to meet him to ensure that he was sincere.

- On meeting Nathan, I could tell instantly just from his eyes why Mandy was so drawn to him. He was not only handsome but his manner was very charismatic. It was easy to see from the start the something special that he had, he held it so gently, and that something special was my daughters heart, and visibly she his. Along with Chelsea's loving approval it was clear this young man was truly pure of heart with my girls.

- To date, their loving journey together has already seen their family grow to include a very handsome young son Oliver, whom no doubt has stolen all your hearts along with his sister. When you find a love that exists just as Mandy and Nathan have found, it's just so beautiful. Hopefully they will of course be blessed with even more children yet.

- I would also like to express my highest praise for Nathans parents, Mark and Kim, for raising such a wonderful young gentleman. Their love and kindness that they have also extended to my girls and embracing them as family sincerely warms my heart. I know that we have long ago adopted Nathan as part of our family too, and one simply couldn't wish for a better son in law.

- I couldn't be more proud to formally welcome Nathan and all of his family into our family, and of course last but not least cheers to the newlyweds Mr and Mrs Lum.

~ Love Mum <3

Dear Son...

To honour you on this day I’d like to share with you a special memory with part of my soul.

Your Dad and I were together for 5 years already before you were conceived and boy were you worth waiting for. I was a young woman of 25, your father 24, and from the moment I became pregnant with you, your Dad and I were so thrilled. He had been trying to talk me around for years into giving your brother Tony and sister Mandy a sibling. It was only due to my personal fears and uncertainties sadly drawn from my past, before meeting your Dad, was what had held me back for so long. Your Dad was more than reassuring and so amazingly patient, knowing in his heart that the time was now right and I couldn’t agree more.

Conceived with a Love so truly pure; lovingly nurtured with an indescribable devotion, your Dad would regularly shed tears of happiness when you would respond to his voice through my ever growing tummy. Pampering me like a queen with such things as regular foot rubs, tender massages, not to mention indulging my every craving, bizarre or otherwise, without question your Dad handled me with such care, and also to ensure that your growth, comfort and ultimate journey to this world would be as safe as possible.

Your brother and sister were also excited beyond belief and enjoyed sharing this journey too. They too had each shared special moments as you grew within me, and had playfully argued if you would be a little ‘brother or a sister’, - Tony planning to share particular toys and games with only you, -Mandy planning to share her special dolls and fancy dresses and how she’d do your hair with pretty ribbons. Whether you would be kickboxing, fishing or playing footy with Tony or dancing and paying dress ups with Mandy were always a topic of debate between them both, filling both your Dad and I with much laughter and great warmth of how our family had grown with more love than we had envisaged.

Your Dad would often gently lay his head on my lap and softly sing to you, and you would always reward him with a response of a gentle kick or at times an active twist and turn, which though at times felt somewhat like a big wave, he would describe as you ‘dancing to his tune’. - As your arrival drew nearer a final ultrasound confirmed for me that you were a boy, as I had always felt you would be, however that was a secret I had held very close to my heart to ensure your Dad could enjoy that extra surprise, as it had come to be that I was not able to deliver you but via a caesarean which had been booked in for this very day 19 years ago.

With bag packed, car loaded, camera in hand, your Dad, bursting with excitement even took photos of our trip to the hospital, in the car park, the elevator, into the doors of the maternity ward, testing the bed, preparing for the surgery, etc..., that absolutely nothing could dull his enthusiasm. I too was eagerly looking forward to your arrival, although naturally I was terrified of the surgery ahead for me. As I was wheeled into the operating theatre, your Dad, reluctant to let go of my hand, was held back by nurses at the door and as I became more drowsy he had to make do with taking his pictures from the window in the door. I would ensure later that others would be spared from viewing those pictures.

As I came to in the recovery room the nurses unhooked various tubes and monitors from me and wheeled me back to my room. Eyes finally flickering open, I drowsily asked how you were doing, only to find your Dad gently cradling you with tears streaming down his face so overwhelmed by love, which also brought me to tears. Your Nan and Pop along with your brother and sister ran into the room moments later bursting with excitement to greet you.

You weighed a healthy 8lb 2oz, and were without a doubt the spitting image of your Dad, just as you still are today. As everybody eagerly took their turns in holding you, you appeared remarkably alert as if you too were so delighted to finally meet them all too.

- Your brother Tony was grinning like a Cheshire cat, seemingly smug that he’d got his little brother just like he’d wanted and had beat his sister. He proudly, yet very protectively, held you close to his chest and I watched as he began whispering to you, no doubt the plans he’d had for you and secretly hoping you were as excited as he was.

- Your sister Mandy had dismissed the smugness of Tony as she was just so excited that you were finally here. She instantly fell in love with you and took to her big sister role eagerly. I watched as she softly stroked your little hand and looking into your eyes she was so fascinated that you were so Real...nothing like any of her dolls, you actually wriggled and breathed and as your tiny little fingers grasped around just one of her fingers your bond with her was instantaneous. You had us all mesmerised and made our family complete.

It was a further 3 days before I was allowed to go home, after being moved out of my private room I was placed in a room with 3 other first time mums. Your Dad stayed with us at the hospital every waking hour, day and night until the nurses sent him home on orders to get some sleep. He was so keen to spend every moment he could with you, even watching all the ‘mothers’ videos there while you slept. As usual he naturally oozed charisma and soon had the other mothers asking him to help them get comfy and even helped them all with the tips he’d learnt on breast feeding and changing nappies etc, even the nurses adored him for his natural kindness and genuine caring manner.

Whilst I had wanted to stay another day or two to recover more comfortably from the surgery, the other mums were eager to go home and were not happy when the Doc came through again and made them stay longer, yet sent me home. I had been hesitant of the stairs at home and not being able to rest enough, but your Dad alleviated those worries quickly as he doted on us all to ensure my recovery would be trouble free. I couldn’t have wished for better, he was a true gem. Even just watching him just watching you sleep was so truly beautiful. He sincerely was the most wonderful father to you and Tony and Mandy, he embraced you all as his, never separating either of you for a heartbeat. I could go on further, however, this is enough of an emotional journey for me to express to you for one day.

Though he may not be with us today in this world, know this...that he is indeed always here, right here, inside of our heart and always around us. You are so much like him son, much more than you know. I know that I feel him, and when I look into your eyes, those remarkably familiar, same intensely beautiful eyes as your Dads, I know from within that you feel him too.


All my love...


Mum <3>

Inner Anguish

Inner Anguish..

Ignorance..Is there really any excuse for it? Are some so desperate, to seek attention perhaps, that they feel the need to create vicious and spiteful tales about others. Are they really so ignorant to assume that so many others are so gullible that they earnestly believe the gossip they are fed is fact? Well sadly some are indeed so easy to fool, but for the one that chooses to spread such malicious crap to expect those to believe their words as gospel are simply, and quite arrogantly so, in effect treating their audience as brainless. - That in itself shows ill-mannered impertinence towards those they quietly deem so gullible, yet of course they don't expect their audience to even be aware of it. Their manner evidently convincing to some, though they don't dare to waste time spewing their crap to those that would challenge them, perhaps for fear they'd be exposed and their tales would unravel. Liars don't generally like to be confronted with truths, so they merely target the naive.

So what exactly is one trying to achieve by spewing malicious crap? Are they attempting to make themselves appear a better person by bad-mouthing others perhaps? Or is there another motive? Do they think that they are so above all others that they have a God given right to pass judgement on others simply because they don't conform to how they expect them to be? Is their perception of others really so warped and narrow-minded that they harbour such hatred that the urge to constantly inflict wounds, either seen or hidden, is far too strong to resist. A reprehensibly weak trait that I would certainly be mortified to possess. Cannot somebody just be themselves without ridicule or scorn from others? Whatever happened to respecting ones right to be an individual?

Those naive that choose to believe malicious crap fed to them, and go as far as to spread it further, without facts or any true knowledge of subject matter as such, are sadly more pitiful than I initially give them credit for.

Now, what if the subject matter of such dreadful tales was you? What if it was coming from somebody you know? What if it was coming from someone within your own family? What if it was coming from somebody that you've always loved so unconditionally, so much so that you would literally give your life for them?

The overwhelming heartache that I've endured from this over the years is simply inexpressible. Does it give them some kind of sadistic pleasure to repeatedly run me down? Do they even realize the consequences that their thoughtless actions have? Do they even remotely care at all? Seemingly not.

How would you feel to be constantly subjected to this less than pleasant conduct? How would you deal with it? - Do you try in vain to get to the bottom of it and sort it out? After making and exhausting countless efforts, all futile, over the years, all I've managed is to end up hitting my head against a brick wall in frustration at the lack of any resolution. - Do you keep taking a beating as such, or do you get to the point of raising your guard and reinforcing it with steel, so much so to let the crap bounce off you, and disregard it, so as not to allow the hurt to get through to erode your soul even more? Both of these methods have also been ineffective to date. - Who would've thought that a mother's love was so powerful and yet so vulnerable?

I don't claim to be perfect, I have faults just as everybody else, nonetheless I was raised to always respect others, and if you don't have anything good to say about someone, just don't say it at all, and to keep ones negative opinions to oneself. Why I would expect the same common courtesy from others is seemingly naive and I am surely guilty of that. I have raised my children with the same respectful morals, though it appears that one sadly chooses to disregard all that to focus on the reverse. Why, I will never know, nor I imagine could comprehend.

Do you love someone so unconditionally to simply relent and allow them to despise you, regardless of your pain? Has it become all so irreparable, or is there an answer?

Is it wrong to feel the need to express my discontent, or should I just take the recurring disrespect and accept that I am just not worthy of being permitted to have a thought, an opinion, or a right to defend myself? Why bother, when it falls on deaf ears that refuse to take responsibility for ones actions and only encourages their malice to escalate. Their deliberate intent to repeatedly inflict such heartache might be more easily served by hammering large rusty nails into my eyeballs. Mayhaps that would hurt less so.

WTF! I hear you say. Since when did Jane have her own damned Planet? Hell I want one too! Perhaps I’ll just follow Janes Planet for now and see how she does it, and then I might get one of my own.

LOL...Well, it just kinda happened as I was attempting to create a name for this thing, only to find that certain names were already in use, so I figured why the hell not éh. In this amazing online world of cyberspace why not just claim a whole damned planet.

Sooo where to start... Hmm, Ok, just a few words to kick this thing off for now.
Well it has come to my attention that very few really know me at all, particularly some of my closest family and whilst this may seem odd to some, I’ve simply grown very weary of a range of erroneous perceptions of me. Yes I’m a Mother, and Yes I’m a Grandmother, even a Daughter, Sister and an Auntie too, however these are mere titles that are obviously common to countless others, and as accurate as these labels are, they don’t really identify me as an individual.
Yes that’s right; bizarre as it may seem, I am an individual, with a mind of my very own. I don’t try to be anybody that I’m not, I am simply me and I make no apologies for that. I have little to no tolerance for fools, I don’t pander to gossip, dramas, bitching, rumours, hearsay or scandals etc, so if any of these categories apply to you and you’re only here to stir up shit I suggest you move along, as there’s nothing to see here.

Whilst many do indeed know much about me, I’d simply not be the person I am today without you in my life. Of course I have many strengths and with that come some weaknesses too, (chocolate comes to mind, lol), each of you has contributed in some way, however big or small and either praise or blame to you all for that depending on your own view.

As I become more familiar with my surroundings here on this err planet, I’ll add to this as time permits.