Inner Anguish

Inner Anguish..

Ignorance..Is there really any excuse for it? Are some so desperate, to seek attention perhaps, that they feel the need to create vicious and spiteful tales about others. Are they really so ignorant to assume that so many others are so gullible that they earnestly believe the gossip they are fed is fact? Well sadly some are indeed so easy to fool, but for the one that chooses to spread such malicious crap to expect those to believe their words as gospel are simply, and quite arrogantly so, in effect treating their audience as brainless. - That in itself shows ill-mannered impertinence towards those they quietly deem so gullible, yet of course they don't expect their audience to even be aware of it. Their manner evidently convincing to some, though they don't dare to waste time spewing their crap to those that would challenge them, perhaps for fear they'd be exposed and their tales would unravel. Liars don't generally like to be confronted with truths, so they merely target the naive.

So what exactly is one trying to achieve by spewing malicious crap? Are they attempting to make themselves appear a better person by bad-mouthing others perhaps? Or is there another motive? Do they think that they are so above all others that they have a God given right to pass judgement on others simply because they don't conform to how they expect them to be? Is their perception of others really so warped and narrow-minded that they harbour such hatred that the urge to constantly inflict wounds, either seen or hidden, is far too strong to resist. A reprehensibly weak trait that I would certainly be mortified to possess. Cannot somebody just be themselves without ridicule or scorn from others? Whatever happened to respecting ones right to be an individual?

Those naive that choose to believe malicious crap fed to them, and go as far as to spread it further, without facts or any true knowledge of subject matter as such, are sadly more pitiful than I initially give them credit for.

Now, what if the subject matter of such dreadful tales was you? What if it was coming from somebody you know? What if it was coming from someone within your own family? What if it was coming from somebody that you've always loved so unconditionally, so much so that you would literally give your life for them?

The overwhelming heartache that I've endured from this over the years is simply inexpressible. Does it give them some kind of sadistic pleasure to repeatedly run me down? Do they even realize the consequences that their thoughtless actions have? Do they even remotely care at all? Seemingly not.

How would you feel to be constantly subjected to this less than pleasant conduct? How would you deal with it? - Do you try in vain to get to the bottom of it and sort it out? After making and exhausting countless efforts, all futile, over the years, all I've managed is to end up hitting my head against a brick wall in frustration at the lack of any resolution. - Do you keep taking a beating as such, or do you get to the point of raising your guard and reinforcing it with steel, so much so to let the crap bounce off you, and disregard it, so as not to allow the hurt to get through to erode your soul even more? Both of these methods have also been ineffective to date. - Who would've thought that a mother's love was so powerful and yet so vulnerable?

I don't claim to be perfect, I have faults just as everybody else, nonetheless I was raised to always respect others, and if you don't have anything good to say about someone, just don't say it at all, and to keep ones negative opinions to oneself. Why I would expect the same common courtesy from others is seemingly naive and I am surely guilty of that. I have raised my children with the same respectful morals, though it appears that one sadly chooses to disregard all that to focus on the reverse. Why, I will never know, nor I imagine could comprehend.

Do you love someone so unconditionally to simply relent and allow them to despise you, regardless of your pain? Has it become all so irreparable, or is there an answer?

Is it wrong to feel the need to express my discontent, or should I just take the recurring disrespect and accept that I am just not worthy of being permitted to have a thought, an opinion, or a right to defend myself? Why bother, when it falls on deaf ears that refuse to take responsibility for ones actions and only encourages their malice to escalate. Their deliberate intent to repeatedly inflict such heartache might be more easily served by hammering large rusty nails into my eyeballs. Mayhaps that would hurt less so.